a bit of dissociating ?
so my test result was 151 and that was high aparently, but some of my personal traits don't really fit in the description I've seen so far of alexi? I'm pretty outgoing, very communicative and basically the polar opposite of an introvert, although I really don't care about the person that I'm talking to, I enjoy talking to them.
Anyway my real problem is that I do somehow feel that I'm attached to one or two friends and I care about them, but I simply can't feel it right (?) I mean I know I care for them but somehow it doesn't feel genuine, is this bad? It just bothers me that I'm a bit outgoing but I'm not capable of even caring for my closest friends...
Also I don't know if it's common but I sometimes dissociate? I don't know if that's the right word but I feel sometimes like I'm in a movie? Like my hands are mine and I know it, I'm talking to someone and I know it, but it doesn't seem like I'M the one talking to them, it's like I'm playing a first person game. This also bothers me so much.
The other day I was talking to my friend about all this "fuk It's like I don't feel at all?" and they made a jock saying "hahaha aren't you a psychopat?" It was funny at the time but damm no way right??
Well, that's it I guess, does anyone have this same problem? sorry if it was a mess, english is not my first language
I feel similar in some ways; I scored about 130 on the test, though I am quite introverted and pretty much a hermit if I don't have or want to go out somewhere. I can make small talk with people at work and get on well with everyone, but there's nothing that feels that deep about any of my relationships there.
Most Alexithymics might be introverted, but you can be outgoing and still have difficulty forming strong bonds or really understanding feelings on a more 'automatic' level, rather than a cognitive level.
I feel like I love my best friend in a platonic way, but I know if she had to leave my life, I'd be sad but OK. Same with a lot of my family, the ones I would say I'm close to anyway.
I've noticed if I talk to strangers sometimes (doesn't really happen unless they talk to me first, or I have no other option), I can hear my voice and control what I'm saying, but it often doesn't feel like it's me talking - I know it's me, but it feels like a fake voice coming from elsewhere. I didn't realise it could be disassociation, but it makes sense that it could be.
As for psychopaths, I doubt you are one. I know they get a really bad rap, but reading about their own experiences/perspectives, I'm convinced most of the negativity is down to things like biased media - e.g. Hollywood myths, which get so ingrained into popular culture hardly anyone bothers to question them after a while. I'm not saying they're all good people who have just been unfairly demonised, just that they're not the monsters they're made out to be.
It seems to me that Alexi doesn’t imply you have to be introvert. After all introversion is often associated with introspection.
I recognize the meta-position you describe. Always have that when I become angry. The first second is real and than it’s like a show directed by me. Enjoying the rush, the adrenaline. Trying to keep it going. Saying clever things and thinking “that was clever”, observing the reaction of the other person and the reactions of bystanders. And having a lot of fun. Until I started to realize that it was real for the other person. So I stopped being angry.
Also in other situations I experience this state. But I have ADD and thought that it had something to do with that.
giovannis you seem to have a 'handle' on your situation and you certainly don't seem to be socially limited by it. It is likely that you are experiencing some disassociation, in people on the Autism spectrum, this happens when they are overwhelmed by input from the situation they are in. Have you had any screening for Autism. Sometimes when someone has a label for themselves it leads them to find information to understand themselves and find solutions to day to day challenges. But sometimes a label can be negative. Some people then interpret themselves through the label instead of interpreting themselves as themselves and a label.
You are still you, no matter what associated 'disorder' (excuse this term) is attributed to some of your behaviour. Please don't be negative about yourself. To be frank, comparing my social situation to yours, you are doing very well indeed.